Have you thought about...?
Yes, yes I have.
I know this question is coming from a good place. It hurts every single time. I recently read a book about one woman’s journey with infertility and she had this to say about adoption:
“Adoption is not a cure for infertility, a promise of a smooth transition into parenthood, or a ‘back-up’ plan. It is not second best to pregnancy or a consolation prize. It is either meant for a family, with or without biological kids, or it is not.
…
But please do consider these aspects of adoption before ever simply offering advice such as, ‘you can always just adopt,’ as if it’s an easy and straightforward replacement for pregnancy. That is far from the truth and can cause great discomfort and frustration within the heart of the infertile. Also reconsider sharing thoughts like, ‘many people start the adoption process and then get pregnant.’ It dismisses the pain of the couple and often makes them feel personally accountable for their inability to get pregnant.”
-Twelve Stripes Deep by Mary Bruno (emphasis added).
I know those that ask me to consider adoption (I have multiple times, and even before I was married) want to help me. They think of my longing to be a mother. They think of the children who need loving homes: approximately 36 families to every 1 child and the number of families wanting to welcome an adopted or fostered child is growing. There is a reel on Instagram where a pro-life advocate has articles with more points to this. I know I don’t have to link articles and defend myself, but I feel like have to. I have prayed about it and at this moment in time I am getting peace with a feeling to wait.
As someone who is impatient, who has always felt forgotten and left out, this waiting is hard. I have had a hard relationship with my body and infertility is not helping in my journey to heal my concept and self-image. I pray that I can have a baby, heck the Lord knows I pray for twins, but maybe it is a wait for adoption or something else. I don’t know what the waiting is for, but He does. Maybe this is the time I need to heal, to get my body, mind, and spirit ready. Maybe it’s because I was burnt out from working in early childcare and I need to heal from that. Life has not looked like what I thought it would at many points, but I know that I have been getting closer to God and close to very special people. I currently work as a mother’s helper to an amazing gal and her two girlies who bring me so much joy. If I had been a stay-at-home mom, which is still my one-day dream, I couldn’t do that.
I am thankful for everyone who keeps us in their prayers, who wishes for my happiness, who tells me I will be a great mom someday, and who loves me. Supporting someone with their cross is hard. After some events happened in early 2024, I felt stuck in the Garden of Gethsemane and Holy Saturday. I worried I would forever oscillate between the two and never see the joy of Easter in my life. Easter 2024 didn’t feel like it came. I felt like Mary Magdaline looking for the Lord and not seeing him. As I have started to heal and move towards hope and forgiveness, I am starting to see the hope of Easter. In fact, Easter vigil 2025 I cried because I felt this hope I hadn’t felt in over a year.
There is a lovely ministry called The Fruitful Hallow. I had mentors with them at a time, but I knew I needed some other support. They were wonderful women. There are also wonderful resources on their site including one on how to support loved ones with the cross of infertility. Take a look if you want, totally okay if you don’t. Again, I know that this question about adoption comes with a lot of love, but depending on what has happened recently in this journey it can be dismissive, hurtful, or at times make me feel like I shouldn’t share about this journey. There are times I am dragging this cross, there are times I ask Jesus to help with it, there are times I glare at it, and there are other times I carry it looking forward in hope. To those who have helped me carry it, thank you.